Where Are the Fathers?
When fathers disappear, sons look for replacements. The world has plenty of volunteers. Be the man you wish had raised you.
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by Virgil Walker
July 13, 2025
He’s been in church longer than most of the staff.
Married. Mid-fifties. Faithful attender. Tithes. Serves on the security team. He’s read The Gospel According to Jesus and watches Ligonier’s Renewing Your Mind on YouTube during breakfast.
But when a younger man recently asked the pastor,
“Can someone disciple me?”
— his name came up.
The pastor reached out.
“Would you be willing to walk with this young man? Help him grow in the Word? Maybe meet once a week?”
The response came quickly.
Awkward chuckle.
“I’m probably not the best guy for that. I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
Twenty-five years in the pew.
Zero ability — or worse, zero desire — to pass anything on.
The Discipleship Gap
We don’t have a shortage of older men in the Church.
We have a shortage of spiritual fathers.
These men have heard thousands of sermons.
They know what a solid church looks like.
They’ve weathered moral scandals, navigated church splits, and have strong opinions about music styles and Bible translations.
But when it comes to intentionally raising up the next generation of men in the faith — they’re missing in action.
Titus 2 doesn’t say, “Older men, let the pastors handle it.”
It says:
“Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness.” (Titus 2:2)
That’s not just a call to personal maturity.
It’s a call to become someone worth following.
We need men who can say to younger brothers, as Paul did,
“Follow me as I follow Christ.”
And mean it.
Why So Many Are Silent
Let’s name the reasons.
They were never discipled.
Many men sat in churches where programs replaced relationships.
They were taught to consume, not to reproduce.
No one ever showed them how to read the Bible with someone, how to ask hard questions, or how to pray out loud with another man.
They’ve been trained to sit still and stay quiet.
They are Biblically deficient.
Some have been in church for years but can’t explain the gospel with clarity.
They know what they believe — but not why.
They’ve absorbed just enough truth to sound orthodox, but not enough to live boldly or teach others.
They are spiritually disengaged.
For some, the fire has gone out.
Their spiritual life has flatlined.
The thought of pouring into another man feels more like a burden than a mission. They’re not living with eternity in view. They’re coasting.
They are ashamed of their past.
Others stay quiet because they’re carrying sin.
Unresolved guilt. Pornography. Affairs. Failures as husbands and fathers.
Instead of repenting and rising, they bury their voice in silence.
Satan doesn’t need them to be wicked. He just needs them to stay neutral.
And Yet, In Any Other Field — This Would Be Unthinkable
If you met a man who had been selling stocks for 25 years — and he shrugged and said,
“I don’t really know how to explain any of it,”
you’d laugh.
If a plumber with decades of experience acted like he had nothing to pass on,
you’d be shocked.
But in the Church, that’s the norm.
Men sit in pews for 25 years, say they love Jesus, nod through solid preaching,
and yet act like they’ve got nothing to give the next generation.
And for some reason, we tolerate it.
No one calls it out.
No one rebukes the silence.
But make no mistake: this is destroying a generation of men.
The crisis isn’t just the silence of the fathers — it’s the cost paid by the sons.
The Cost of Their Absence
When fathers disappear, sons look for replacements.
And the world has plenty of volunteers.
Young men who needed discipleship are now being “raised” by:
Andrew Tate, preaching dominance and self-worship.
Jordan Peterson, offering structure without salvation.
Instagram pastors, giving bite-sized inspiration with no accountability.
They’re being discipled — but not by the Church.
And the fruit is a generation of young men who are theologically confused, emotionally stunted, and spiritually directionless.
Meanwhile, churches wonder why the men aren’t stepping up.
Why the next generation is so apathetic.
Why young men are more interested in gym culture and crypto than godliness.
Maybe it’s because no one older ever looked them in the eye and said:
“I’ll walk with you. I’ll teach you what it means to follow Christ.”
What a Father Does
A father doesn’t need a seminary degree.
He needs a Bible, a burden, and a willingness to bleed for the next generation.
A spiritual father:
Initiates. He doesn’t wait to be asked.
Shares his victories and his scars.
Corrects in love and affirms in truth.
Leads with the Word, not just opinions.
Shows up, stays consistent, and doesn’t disappear when things get uncomfortable.
This isn’t a program. It’s obedience.
Paul didn’t hand Timothy a reading plan. He handed him his life.
“You, however, have followed my teaching, my conduct, my aim in life, my faith, my patience…” (2 Tim. 3:10)
That’s discipleship.
It’s personal. It’s costly. And it’s how Christ builds His Church.
Be the Man You Wish Had Raised You
If you’re a man over 50 and know Christ, the question isn’t whether you have something to offer.
The question is: Are you willing to give it?
Because the next generation isn’t asking for perfection.
They’re not looking for celebrity, charisma, or cool.
They’re looking for consistency.
They’re looking for someone who’s still standing when the storm clears.
It’s not too late.
Start with one man.
Read Scripture together. Pray with him. Ask questions. Share your failures and your faith.
You don’t need a platform. You need presence.
You don’t need to be impressive. You need to be invested.
Because the Church doesn’t rise on the backs of influencers.
It rises on the shoulders of fathers.
Final Call to Action
We don’t need more noise. We need legacy.
We don’t need more content creators. We need covenant keepers.
We don’t need more men with takes. We need men with tears—men who will weep, war, and walk with the sons behind them.
So I’ll ask again:
Where are the fathers?
— This essay originally appeared at my friend Virgil Walker’s Substack. Check it out and subscribe!
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